I’m lying in bed curled up behind my man.  Okay, so I’m clinging.

He’s leaving this morning for two weeks. I don’t have the skills to follow.  He’ll be paddling his fourteen-foot kayak solo through the Grand Canyon.

He needs this river adventure like a cougar needs a kill. 

The past month he’s spent too many days in his basement office at a computer working on a scientific paper for possible publication. He’s been acting a lot like his study animal, a frustrated caged one.

So I must admit, back in January I was looking forward to this day. 

Not anymore. 

This week as he pulled out his river gear and started organizing for his trip, he morphed back into my sexy, happy-go-lucky kayaker. The outdoor guide I fell in love with came back home just in time to leave.

The front of my body is molded tight to the back of his. I trace the tip of my nose across the top ridge of his shoulder blade and find myself fascinated by his skin.

I can’t believe I’ve been lying next to him for nine years and I am just now noticing this incredible organ that encases the spirit of the person I most love on this planet.  

I press my face into his upper back and can feel it breathing, cooling. I’m amazed by how alive it feels, how alive I want it to stay forever. I know it can’t, but please long enough to come back to me so I can have many more mornings of not taking this for granted and appreciating fully what I have and will some day inevitably lose.

May that day be decades away.

I inhale his scent as I brush my lips across his surface.

I want to crawl in.

Sexy Link: 

Spend some time lounging around the Erotica Readers and Writers Association website. 

happy for you
2/15/2012 10:59:47 pm

beautiful essay. i hope you have decades together, too.

2/15/2012 11:49:47 pm

Grateful to you. I've decided decades is a bit limiting. I need to change that to lifetimes.

2/16/2012 01:09:52 am

Alone?!?! Down the Grand Canyon?!?!?! Hard core. Very hard core. Can't wait till he's home too and I get to read about him navigating down your grand canyon...

2/16/2012 01:29:54 am

...or my tight gushing gorge.

2/16/2012 09:51:15 am

Lifetimes, definitely lifetimes.

2/20/2012 04:58:37 am

I was thinking about you and your blog on my drive to work this morning. Having been single for a few months now and deciding to not get intimate with "boys" for a while I wondered if I would still get that amazing feeling of sensuality while being alone. And then I felt it. That this could be the most sensual times of my life dedicated just to me. And perhaps when the right man does come into my life then I will be much more willing to share the love.

What are your thoughts on sensuality for the single gals?

2/20/2012 05:41:10 am

I've been writing a bit about that for this week's upcoming blog. Check it out on Thursday and we can chat some more. But until then...

You are right on track. From my experience, the most sensual thing you can do for yourself when you are single (or lonely in love) is to direct the love you usually give to a partner towards yourself. This happened unexpectedly when I started exploring meditation and yoga. I ended up falling in love with myself, compete with all those giddy, glorious feelings of when I'd fallen in love with another. It was incredible. When I was in that space, a man who mirrored that showed up and we've been deeply in love for nine years.

So if you are single, I say: romance yourself, spoil yourself like you would a lover. Explore contemplative practices that cultivate awareness and self love. You are right, this is an incredibly sensual time for you. Embrace it, embrace you.

Anyone else have something to add?

2/21/2012 06:40:44 am

I love the question that you asked Diane. I do a lot of health coaching with women and one of the first places I start with when they are changing their food or want to change their weight (which I call Shape Shifting) Is called Sensual Shape Shifting. I encourage them to embrace their sensuality now...and the same would go for you if you want to be in a sensual relationship with a man, this is training and research of how you wanted to be treated. Everything can turn Sensual when you are awake to all of your senses. Just eating an apple can be a totally sensual experience when you are present for it. I would also say another good exercise is to get into the habit of dancing for yourself in front of a mirror, find everything that you love about how your move, about your body, about your hips. Those are just a few tips. If you want more you can check out my site, divinehunger.com. I am about to start a 21 Day Sensual ShapeShift jumpstart. I hope this was helpful!

2/21/2012 07:22:16 am

Thank you J* and C.C. for all your advice. I can feel tingles of excitement and even honor to be in this phase of my life. I look forward to your post this week C.C. and J* I love love love dancing in front of the mirror, lol! Thank you for all your wisdom.


2/22/2012 09:03:15 pm

My pleasure.

10/2/2013 11:24:38 am

Interesting information on this blog, thanks

10/3/2013 07:01:01 am

Zoe Hanson. That is such a sexy name. I'm glad you found the blog and I hope to see you again.


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