Last week I promised the wisdom of The Queens.

But then the snow gods bestowed twenty-four inches of champagne powder on the mountains by my home and my Inner Ski Bum kind of, like omigod totally, took over my life.  Because plunging clit first through that most magical of mediums amidst a tribe of silver-barked aspens is one of the most ecstatic things I do.

But I did manage to survey a couple Sexy Queens who incidentally are a little hard to track down.  They aren’t exactly waiting by the phone for someone like me to call and ask them how they’ve managed to stay so sexy.  They are out doing sexy things.

Like taking in, fully, twenty four inches.

So from the lips of my Sexy Mentors, here's how to sexify your approach to getting older.  I had planned to mix and blend their responses and serve them up like a top shelf margarita or an article for More magazine.  But, given the snow conditions here in Colorado, I’m going to serve it to you neat.

Question posed by Blog Me Sexy:  What advice do you have for women who are struggling with feeling sexy as they get older?


Recognize that you are indeed losing the power and beauty of your youth.  Grieve it, move on and don’t get stuck there.  Because you aren’t losing your power and beauty, you are just gaining it elsewhere.  Focus on what your power is now at your current age.  What are your strengths?  What are your greatest assets?  Focus on those, cultivate them.  That’s sexy.

When you find you are no longer the center of attention or attracting as much attention, look at why you needed that and let it go.

Recognize the gifts of getting older: 
Your refined sexuality and sexual experience
Greater emotional stability
Your interpersonal and organizational skills
You’re ability to love purely

Buy beautiful lingerie.  Just for yourself.  A Sexy Queen recommendation: Elle McPhearson’s lingerie line

Wear heels, notice how you walk differently in them.

Smile a lot.  Laugh a lot.  Look people in the eye.

Take care of your skin.  Wear sunscreen.  Good products do make a difference.

Take care of your body:
Don’t drink too much. 
Eat healthy foods.
Exercise. Lift weights twice a week and get aerobic at least three times a week by doing something you enjoy, walking, skiing, dancing…

Buy good-fitting, sexy jeans.

Dress well.

In your 20’s it’s was easy to be attractive. Sexiness at 60 comes with confidence.  You have to work at it. 

Enjoy the aging process.  Embrace it and focus on the positives.

Don’t try to look 20 when you are 50. And don’t try to compete with younger women.  Remember that you are attractive in your power and confidence.


A Queen in her 70’s told me that what they say about post menopausal vigor is all true.  Once she got through that transition, she’s felt great for the past twenty years and still does. She emphasized how important it is to take care of your body and health so you can ride that wave as long as possible.

Stay open to new experiences.

This blog post would not have been possbile without the help of some very gracious, sexy women. Merci mille fois.

If you have anything to add, do express your sexy self in the comments.  


Thursday is the sexiest night of the week in La Grande, Oregon. Live music and dancing start every week at 8:00 p.m. at the Ten Depot Street restaurant and bar downtown.

It’s the perfect place to conduct my first Sexy Survey.

The question: How do you, in two or three words, define sexy?

I warm up with my beer drinking companion, Dan.

He pauses to think about this for all of three seconds.

“Fit. Passionate.” He is currently single and playing the dating game so he knows exactly what he wants. 

I finish my beer and turn to the table of twenty-something beauties sitting at the table beside us. When one of them looks up from texting, I slide my chair over and ask if she wants to be a part of my sexy survey.

She tucks a long spiral of blonde hair behind her ear and smiles.  I take that as a yes.

Her response:  Confidence.  Six Pack Abs.

When I start to write down her response, she gives an embarrassed laugh and says she was just kidding about the Six Pack.

“No, that’s good,” I assure her.  “Six Pack Abs are sexy.”

“Yeah, they are.”  I learn that she is 22.  A student.

One of her friends at the other end of the table leans forward, eager to be involved. She’s had a few minutes to think about it and rattles of her top three.

“Confident. Genuine. Original, someone who is their own person.”

By the time I leave the princess table, they are completely engaged in a sexy dialogue and no longer texting. I move on to a guy at the bar with an empty martini glass in front of him. 

His response: Hourglass figure.  Charisma. When I ask his age, he says it’s his 49th birthday. I give him a kiss on the cheek before heading on.

I interrupt two guys in their mid-twenties, also college students, who are sitting in the back of the bar looking very bored.  From them: Confidence.  Fitness. Someone Who Is Happy (this from the one who looks kind of depressed). I tell them they are sitting way too far from the princess table and flutter away.  

My timing for this survey is perfect.  The music hasn’t started yet and everyone, it seems, is just finishing a first round of drinks and is more than willing to discuss sexiness.

I approach another table and pull up a chair with a heavy equipment operator, a nurse and her husband, a carpenter. The carpenter rolls up his sleeves before he answers, like he’s getting hot just thinking about it or getting ready for some serious debate.  Both, it turns out.

After ten minutes, I have to pry myself away from their engaging conversation on the nuances of sexy.  Their top three answers: Quick Wit. Openness. Confidence. But this fifty-something group adds a confidence caveat:  Not Overbearing.

I’m able to survey twelve people before the music starts.

Confidence is the overwhelming winner with six votes. 

Attractive (which I am grouping with Six Pack and Hourglass) gleans three votes. Balanced, Happy and Fit all take two votes each. 

There are lots of single entries:  Zest For Life, Honesty, Inviting, Vibrant, Spirited. 

My conclusions? 

If you are bored at a bar or a Christmas party, grab a pen and a cocktail napkin and conduct the survey.  When everyone in the room wants to talk to you, you’ll start to feel charismatic, open, inviting and confident. 

You’ll feel pretty sexy. 

Try it and post your results in the comments section of this post.  Let me know your top three responses, the location of your survey and any other juicy details.

Or...slip into your sexy pen name persona and let me know how you define sexy. 
I really want to know.
Once is all it takes.

One order for an itty bitty v-string and you are on the Victoria Secret mailing list for life.  This means that you will get a little dose of super soft porn in your mail box about every other week.

On more than one occasion, my man and I have perused the catalogue with our morning coffee and ended up having some really great sex.

I start by showing him what I would buy.  He shows me what he'd buy for me.

We make up funny names for the models: Horse Tooth, Freckle Face, Bedroom Eyes.

There are a few of them though, that we’ve never named.

“She is way too skinny. Yuck. That is not sexy.”  (Hint for guys: Women get wet when you say this.)

As my man tosses the catalogue aside, I lunge across the couch and straddle him.

So now that I’m blogging me sexy, I want to know: 

What is sexy? Really.

We all know what the American media and Victoria Secret are dishing up.

But are we eating it?

Stayed tuned for the results of my first Sexy Survey when I head out on the town and do a little investigative reporting to see how we (well, Northeast Oregonians this time around) are defining sexy.

Note to my readers: I've had some comments about commenting.  Please know that you do not have to enter an e-mail address or even your  real name when commenting on a post. Feel free to give your sexy self a pen name.