Believe me, I’ve tried.
Dirty dance music. Daisy Dukes that are too frayed and short to leave the house. Red lipstick.
There is no way around the fact that cleaning the bathroom just isn’t hot. Furthermore, it steals time away from sexier pursuits like yoga, writing erotica and hooping.
But last week I could no longer put it off. The reason? The best one ever. A friend was coming through town and spending the night.
In Oregon we have a deposit on cans and bottles and there were two garbage bags of them overflowing in my laundry room. I had two hours before work to perform a miracle on the house, so I decided to hit the grocery store early at 7:00 am so I could zip zap zoom through that chore first.
But when I pulled up to the can return area, there was already a flock of early birds in there. A guy with a braid extending from his goatee was feeding a grocery cart full of cans into one machine, while a grandmotherly woman waited for an attendant to fix the other one.
I grabbed my bags and waited outside the door, furtively standing in mountain pose while working some dirgha breathing because I didn't have time for this and my impatience was gripping my jaw and I’m a yoga teacher and I know better.
But ten minutes later (stay with me there is a sexy point to this story), I was still standing there and now another guy was waiting at the nearby picnic table smoking a cigarette. Annoyed, I quit the deep breathing and watched as the goatee guy, whose cart was almost empty, picked a garbage bag off the floor and dumped another mound of cans into his cart. The grandmother was still on her first of five bags.
I felt rage flare my nostrils like a tormented bull. Over returnables!
So not sexy.
I turned to the smoker, ready to ask him to please put that damn thing out and he disarmed me with a smile. He had a few teeth missing and a piece of duct tape holding one of his shoes together.
“Want mine?” came out instead. I gestured towards my two bags.
“Sure!” He crushed his cigarette under his worn shoe and jumped up to take them.
I went to my car to grab my re-useable shopping bags. As I walked past him into the store, I waved and repeated what my sister always said when she slipped me a twenty when I was in college. “Do something fun with the money!”
He waved and said, “Yeah! Bananas!
Those bananas hit me straight in the heart. All my impatience and housework angst dissolved in that instant and my whole attitude shifted. I slowed my ass down, sauntered through the aisles and felt awash with gratitude for every single item I was able to put in my grocery cart. I even flirted with the checker.
Generosity is sexy.
If you have any tips on how to make housework sexy, please share them in the comments.