I had a request from a friend who just started reading this blog:
Could you blog about how to feel sexy as you get older? I’m 48 now and having a harder time feeling sexy lately with the changes in my hair, skin and body. On top of all that, my job keeps me in front of a computer all day and I have less of an adventure lifestyle. Help!
I sent her the link to the Sexy Mentor blog post but I know she needed more than that.
Last year my friend Jenna (she's a goddess check her out here) gave me this gem of a metaphor that helped me reframe my thoughts about sexiness and aging:
In our society we’ve developed a limited perspective of feminine beauty by focusing primarily on The Princess archetype: that dewy lusciousness of women in their late teens, twenties and early thirties. (This can also translate to men as the prince/knight archetype.)
But in all our Princess worship, we’ve forgotten about the sexy grace, elegance, and wisdom of The Queen. (Or for you men, The King)
And from what I’ve seen, Queens are damn sexy.
So I decided it's time for another Sexy Survey. I’m going to interview a few of my Sexy Mentors, sensuous women in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s to see what kind of advice and wisdom they have to share.
So if the tiara isn’t working for you anymore (or you hate the idea of getting older), come visit next week to get some insights on how to rock the crown.
One of the sexiest women I know fell in love recently. I haven’t met her man yet, but I love hearing the sparkle in her voice when he comes up in our phone conversations.
Her new lover, she says, has these long, graceful fingers. They are so perfect that when they photographed their hands together, his threatened to steal the admiration despite the engagement ring on her finger.
She was glad she’d just had a manicure.
“Sexy hands,” I said.
Her voice droped an octave. “Definitely.”
So the other night my man and I were curled by the woodstove after dinner. Without any prompting from me, he looked down at his hands.
“It’s good to have my hands back,” he said as he flexed his fingers. “They were starting to get soft in Oregon.”
His hands have been busy reclaiming our life in Colorado: building outside in January; tinkering with our wind and solar systems; cutting and splitting firewood; and fixing everything that breaks at our two properties.
He turned them over under the light, showcasing blood- red gashes on his knuckles, dried scabs near his thumb and lots of torn cuticles.
And the feel of those calluses parting the soft flesh of my inner thighs?
My kind of sexy hands.
Tell me about your favorite pair of sexy hands.
Before I launch into more orgasmic blogging, here’s a quick review of two key points from last week:
1. Contemplative practices like yoga and meditation cultivate presence and awareness which help you engage more sensually with life.
2. They also quiet the inner critic and mental chatter so you can rediscover your authentic self, tap into the magic of life and become more spiritually engaged.
It’s this integration of the two, heightened sensuality and spirituality, with a big dose of nature that pushed my orgasmativity off the charts.
And of course, writing erotically about it all doesn’t hurt either.
So now the sight of an owl flying over the river at dawn gives me a full-body rush of ecstasy. The blush of pink on the mountains at sunset can make my heart and nearby nipples tingle with bliss. I get repeated spasms of joy at my clitoris while practicing yoga naked on my deck in the spring.
All this and my sexy lover isn’t even around.
And then last winter, after many cold dark mornings of sitting in meditation trying to embrace a challenging gray Oregon winter, I started having orgasms on my cushion.
A reminder that much of this ecstasy rises out of sitting, stretching, facing, embracing your despair.
It’s luscious ripe fruit, there for the picking.
You just have to climb the tree.
If you need a leg up to the first branch:
Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health
Shambhala Mountain Center
Books by Lama Surya Das and David Deida
I reached the top branches, those meditation-cushion orgasms, through a combination of meditation and craniosacral therapy. Find a therapist here.
Are you reaching your orgasmic potential with life?
I didn’t even know I wasn’t.
I’d always loved sex~ the physicality, the intimacy, the sharing of pleasure. But I wasn’t very orgasmic until I started doing yoga regularly. In March of 2000 I attended a month-long yoga teacher’s training at the Kripalu Center For Yoga and Health.
And then, wow.
For me there are so many reasons why yoga increases orgasmativity: improved body image; increased confidence and self esteem; increased tone and blood flow to the pelvic floor, genitals,
G-spot and clitoris. (Check out this post for more on the sexy benefits of yoga.)
On top of all that, contemplative practices like yoga, meditation, tai chi and chi gong engage you deeply in the present moment and increase your awareness. Tastes are more luscious. Colors become more vibrant. Sensations, like the velvety softness of your lover’s lips, are heightened.
You become more sensual.
When I learned to quiet the constant chatter of my critical, thinking mind, I felt like I gained access to the rest of my brain: the creativity; the intuition; the ability to hook into something so much bigger than myself.
I felt giddy, like that bliss of falling in love. And that is exactly what was happening.
Through yoga and meditation I fell head over heels in love with life. And that energy attracted my man who was also getting quiet and going deep (and running whitewater and skiing avalanche chutes) and then Wow!
I started writing erotic memoir.
So it doesn’t matter if you are single or in a relationship, you can increase your bliss and orgasmic potential, by slowing down, getting contemplative and having a love affair with yourself.
When you learn to appreciate the gift of every breath, you also realize the wonder of having a physical body, so much so that you eventually quit judging it. That shift hooks you into something hugely sensual, spiritual and sexual that we can discuss more next week because I could go off on this topic for hours and I’ve taken enough of your time already
Besides I’ve just convince myself that I need to get on my yoga mat right now.
One of my favorite essays from my erotic memoir is a yogic self pleasuring piece, the one I had the privilege of reading at last year’s Seattle Erotic Arts Festival.
But two friends who have read and critiqued my manuscript, have questioned its authenticity, namely the number of orgasms.
Really? reads a comment from a friend in the Pacific Northwest, Another one?
This may be hard for people to believe, wrote a friend on the East Coast. I need a power tool of a vibrator to have any hope of achieving an orgasm and you have several doing yoga naked on your deck alone? This may be another book but I want to know more about that.
And then another friend e-mailed and wanted to know more about those full-body, sensual orgasms I wrote about in this post.
So let's kick off Blog Me Sexy 2013 by talking about orgasmativity, being more orgasmic with life, shall we?
I am by no means a scholar or an expert on orgasms (but wouldn’t that be a fun master’s degree?) but I can share with you my experience on becoming more orgasmic. I have to do this in a three- part series though because this is much too big and important of a topic for one blog post.
And as always, I’ll look forward to hearing your thoughts, comments and experiences on the topic. If you are a little shy, believe me, my Inner Catholic girl totally gets that. Give your sexy self a pen name and don’t share an e-mail address in the comments.
You may be surprised at what she/he has to say.
I always am.
Write down your sexy intentions for 2013. Any passions you want to pursue? Sexy places you want to go? New lovers you hope to attract? Books you hope to publish?
Share a few in the comments~that kind of boldness always boosts the mainfestation factor.